Week 5; Post 3

I think that the concept of using personalized communication instead of depersonalized communication is important. Personalized communication requires the use of "I" statements. This is assertive communication behavior. Depersonalized communication uses "you" statements. Using this type of communication is considered responsibility avoidance. Instead of using broads term such as: you, others, many people, it is more direct to make an "I" statement. Speaking more directly can help to avoid miscommunication. It may be difficult to own our statements and be direct because it may feel like it will cause the other person to become defensive, but it can be beneficial. Of course we don't want to cause the other person to feel uncomfortable, but it also important to speak our feelings. We should not say things in a way that causes the other person to become defensive because that could cause them to tune us out. But we also don't want to hold our feelings in because that could cause resentful feelings toward the other person. The best thing to do is to be assertive and use "I" statements.

Week 5; Post 2

I think for the most part I am thinking about what the other person is saying when they are talking. I would say I do concentrate on what the other person is saying. However, if the subject is a heated topic or I feel defensive I think of how I am going to respond rather than on what they are saying. Being a good listener is an important skill to have for an effective communicator. Listening is step 3 of the S-TLC system. This step requires the individual to listen before saying anything. The book goes on to explain that listing to what the other person is saying is just as important as what we say in conflict. This is an essential step in the system. How can we really know how to respond to something if we don't know what exactly was said? I think after listening to someone talk to me I could write down most of what was being said. But I do think I could work on my listening skills during conflict.

Week 5; Post 1

I don't really have any issues with being able to stop a conflict. If anything I have a problem with facing conflict. Being more assertive especially when dealing with conflict is one of my goals to be being a more efficient communicator. For me it is not difficult to refrain from automatically responding during conflict. I can understand why it is important not to automatically respond without using the S-TLC system. Implementing the S-TLC system allows us to navigate through conflict in better ways. The first step, to stop, is essential to remaining calm and taking time out to maintain composure. This is an important step because once something has been said it can't be taken back. Sometimes when we are upset we can say hurtful things that we would never say if we had taken some time to cool off. I would advise a person not to skip this important step when they find themselves in a conflict. It is okay to walk away from a conflict to regain composure and return to the conflict after both parties are calm.

Week 4; Post 3

Communication majors would make fantastic mediators because one of the roles of a mediator is to be competent in communication. The mediator must refrain from having any judgement against or in favor of either of the conflicting parties. They must also be able to give constructive feedback when it it requested. The mediator must have the ability to only speak for themselves and not for the person or people they are mediating for. The mediators are also responsible for making sure that both parties involved abide by the communication rules. Lawyers and psychotherapists may find it difficult to play the role of mediator because they often have different goals in mind than just a mediator that doesn't have any stake in the dispute. A mediators job is to facilitate a healthy way to work through an issue, create a final agreement, and wish both parties the best of luck in the future. 

Week 4; Post 2

After reading chapter 11 and learning the different techniques that mediators use to assist people in resolving their conflicts I can see how it could become a career for some. I think many people could benefit from having someone mediate their disputes and implement the fractionation, framing, reframing, and common ground techniques. I had never given it much thought before but I was often the mediator in conflicts between two of my siblings. Since I am and a bit older than my other siblings I sometimes find myself having to interject and help the two of them through their conflicts. Since the two have different personalities and values they don't always see eye to eye on things. I try to help them by establishing a common ground and helping them reframe their language. I don't think it is intentional but sometimes they can say hurtful things about each other. I try my best to keep the peace between the two of them because it is important to me that we all have healthy relationships since we are family. I know that they will always have issues, but at least I can help them to resolve them quicker without the issues getting out of control.

Week 4; Post 1

The fractionation technique can help to solve conflict by breaking the problem down into smaller issues. As an example for the use of this technique I will use a hoarder that has someone come into their home in order to clear things out. The hoarder may be overwhelmed by the thought of getting rid of so many things all at once, but breaking it down by room or sections may make the task seem less stressful to them.  Another technique is framing in which the mediator uses neutral language in posing questions. I have used this technique when helping a co-worker with an issue she was having. I was very careful not to pass judgment on her or the person she was in a conflict with. Reframing is another technique where the mediator will rephrase negative comments in a more neutral language. This method could be helpful for a a person who works with children that are having a conflict and saying negative things to and about each other.  Lastly, there is the common ground technique. Establishing a common ground between the parties can be helpful to reaching a common agreement. This would be a good technique to use when mediating a conflict between neighbors. By establishing common goals and expectations the neighbors may begin to look at the conflict differently. 

Week 3, Post 3

One of the concepts that are discussed in chapter 3 that I found important in communication considerations is the difference between compromising and collaborating approaches. After reading the chapter it is easier to see why collaboration is the preferred approach. With the same goal in mind, collaboration leads to win-win situations. Compromising, on the other hand ends with neither person in the party completely winning or losing. As I have mentioned in previous blogs this week I am generally a nonassertive communicator. However, since getting engaged and planning the wedding my fiancé and I have been using the collaboration approach in making decisions about our venue and other details. The ultimate goal is for both us to be completely satisfied with outcome of our big day. I wouldn’t want him to feel like his thoughts and ideas about when and where we get married aren’t as important as mine. Luckily, he gives me the same respect in return.  

Week 3, Post 2

In my personal opinion I don't think it is ever okay to punish a child using verbal or nonverbal aggression. I think this is stepping over the boundaries of parental authority. I grew up in a household where I never feared that either of my parents would lash out a me with verbal or nonverbal aggression. I think that if they had it would have completely changed the dynamic of our relationships, and possibly who I am as a person. I wouldn't want my child to fear me. I would rather them feel like they could talk openly with me about their feelings and things that are going on in their lives. I believe that teaching children to deal with their thoughts and actions in non aggressive ways can help them deal with people and situations effectively. I do think that it is important to teach children to make good decisions and to act appropriately. I believe that all of this begins when the children are young. Maybe teaching them from a young age how to act appropriate allows for the behavior to be second nature instead of having to unlearn poor behavior when they are older. I am not a parent so I guess all of this is easy for me to say. I know that some kids are stubborn and may need to be disciplined, but not discipline that comes in the form of verbal or nonverbal aggression. When I think of appropriate disciplines I think time of outs or taking away something that they really like until their behavior changes. One thing I have learned from watching other people with their children is not to always give in and give them their way especially when they act out when they don't get what they want. I think this teaches them that if they act out then they will accomplish their goal and get what they want.  I think that we should teach our children by leading as good examples.

Week 3, Post 1

I thought that chapter 3 was interesting and insightful. While reading this chapter I gave a lot of thought to my own conflict style and whether or not I handle conflict in an effective manner. I would categorize myself as an other-centered nonassertive communicator when dealing with conflicts in my life. Having said that, if I am giving advise to a friend I would tell them that they should be honest and open about their ideas/opinions/feelings because theirs matters just as much as the other person's. Should I be taking my own advise, probably. For me that is easier said than done. I have a tendency to accommodate others before myself in order to avoid any conflict that could arise from our difference in opinions. About 90% of the time this is how I deal with conflicts in my life. Since this is how I've always been I think that people sort of expect me to function this way, so in a way yes I think there are expectations for my behavior.  For me this chapter has really been helpful because I don't like that I am nonassertive which sometimes causes me to sacrifice my own ideas/opinions/feelings. I would like to be more of a relationship-centered assertive communicator in the future. As I take more communication courses I think that I become a more effective communicator and grow as a person as well.