Internet Search

Doing an Internet search using the terms forgiveness, reconciliation, and revenge revealed some interesting things. First, I noticed that revenge mainly produced results linked to t.v. shows and movies. I thought that was kind of odd. I guess Hollywood enjoys using the idea of seeking revenge. It makes for interesting story lines and of course, drama! The second thing I noticed while doing the word searches was that both of the words reconciliation and forgiveness produced results connected to religion. All of the searches seemed equally weighty in the amount of results each of them pulls up. Reconciliation results included congress and senate types of reconciliation, which I thought was interesting. Something else I found interesting was that my search using the word forgiveness produced results connected to student loan forgiveness. The word search on revenge showed related topics such as how to get revenge on people and revenge tactics. 

Truth Bias

I thought chapter 10 had some interesting concepts. One that I thought was worth mentioning is truth bias. Truth bias  is a relationship rule. Basically, the rule is a pact that you and your best friend will always be truthful to one another. There may be things you would lie to an acquaintance about, but would always tell the truth to your bestie. I can relate to the idea of this concept because my best friend ALWAYS tells me the truth! Even when the truth is something she knows I don't want to hear. I trust that she always has the best intentions at heart. I have developed a truth bias with her. I always assume she is telling me the truth. I know she expects the same thing from me. The book explains that truth bias makes us more vulnerable and less likely to detect deception. This may be true, but I think as long as you are mindful of who you trust this shouldn't be a major concern. These kinds of relationships develop over time and through experiences with them. Over the course of this time you could decided whether or not you can truly trust that person and develop a truth bias toward them.

Forgiveness

There has been an event in my life where I've found it difficult to forgive. Unfortunately, the person I have had a hard time forgiving is my mother. There was an event when I was younger that my mother (in my opinion) chose to live her life separately from her children. After a divorce that devastated us all my mother decided to live a life that she never got to experience since she married and had children young. A single life. It has been many years, but I am still unable to forgive her and reconcile. Reading the advantages of forgiveness in chapter 10 has made me think of how my grandma is constantly trying to mend the disconnect between my mother and me. She always tells me that not forgiving my mother is only hurting myself inside. Maybe this is true. I do feel a little guilty not including my mother in my wedding planning or inviting her come dress shopping with me. I think reading this chapter, especially at this point in my life, has been helpful.

Social Networking

Okay, don't laugh but I am not on Facebook or any other social networking sites. I know, I am just about the only person not on Facebook. Even my grandma has an account, and she is on it fairly often! So anyway, I can say that I think most people on social networking sites put in a decent amount of time creating their facework. This is the way they establish and maintain the image of themselves they would like to reflect to others. I think the way you present yourself all depends on how you want others to perceive you. Basically, you have the ability to "create" yourself. You have the ability to pick and choose what people see/read about you. Since I don't have an account I can't say I have posted something that I later regretted, but I do know people who have. The thing to remember is once it has been put out there it can't be retracted. Hurtful things posted on social sites can be devastating to those that are targeted. It makes me think of the kids that get into fights over what was posted. Or kids committing suicide because someone was bullying them or posted something horrible about them. I think social networking can be a great tool, but I think it can also have great downfalls. Preventive facework could help when using these sites. Ultimately, I think you should always be mindful of what and how much information you post about yourself and others.

Playful Spirit

I thought the concept of developing a playful spirit to change your outlook on life and certain situations you are faced with is very interesting. I like this concept because it can be useful to help people change their attitudes. I think that having a positive attitude can make all of the difference. The textbook lists tips to help adopt this technique. The one that resonated with me the most was learning to say "no" without feeling guilty. This is something that I struggle with. I tend to be a people pleaser and have a hard time saying no and not feel guilty for it. One of the other tips is to learn to accept situational factors instead of fighting them. Although this may take some time to master,  I think it can be a helpful tool to manage your stress level and overall mood. Both of these tips I will try to incorporate into my life.

Anger

When I gave some thought to how I express my anger I've decided tend follow the characteristics of anger-ins. For the most part I don't  openly express my anger to the person that has upset me. Although, there are times when I feel so strongly about something that I deal with the situation as it is occurring. In those instances I would categorize my actions using anger control. More often than not I choose not to deal with the conflict directly. Not that I think this a healthy way of dealing with problems, but sometimes I just give it time to heal itself. One of the common features of an anger-in is that they may be passive-aggressive. I definitely do not see myself as passive-aggressive. I just sometimes feel like certain conflicts are not worth the fight. But if something is really important to me or I feel strongly toward it I will address the issue by using assertive communication behaviors. I would like work on my anger communication style and deal with conflict as an anger controller more often. 

Defensive and Supportive Behaviors

I would like to discuss the concepts of defensive and supportive behaviors. I think it is important to note both concepts and be able to differentiate between the two. These concepts have specific differences. Defensive behaviors incorporate superiority, control, and the use of strategies. On the other hand, supportive behavior uses equity, empathy, and is nonjudgmental. Defensive behavior can create an unbalanced power relationship. A person engaging in defensive behavior may try to control the other person they are in a relationship. They do this by being strategic in the way they speak to the other person or within their actions. This person may act this way due to their own insecurities. The playing field is more level in a relationship with someone who engages in supportive behaviors. This person has empathy for other people. A person who is empathetic means they are able to place themselves in another person’s place. Being in a relationship with someone who is supportive and will respect you is healthier than being in a relationship with someone who engages in defensive behaviors.