Playful Spirit

I thought the concept of developing a playful spirit to change your outlook on life and certain situations you are faced with is very interesting. I like this concept because it can be useful to help people change their attitudes. I think that having a positive attitude can make all of the difference. The textbook lists tips to help adopt this technique. The one that resonated with me the most was learning to say "no" without feeling guilty. This is something that I struggle with. I tend to be a people pleaser and have a hard time saying no and not feel guilty for it. One of the other tips is to learn to accept situational factors instead of fighting them. Although this may take some time to master,  I think it can be a helpful tool to manage your stress level and overall mood. Both of these tips I will try to incorporate into my life.

Anger

When I gave some thought to how I express my anger I've decided tend follow the characteristics of anger-ins. For the most part I don't  openly express my anger to the person that has upset me. Although, there are times when I feel so strongly about something that I deal with the situation as it is occurring. In those instances I would categorize my actions using anger control. More often than not I choose not to deal with the conflict directly. Not that I think this a healthy way of dealing with problems, but sometimes I just give it time to heal itself. One of the common features of an anger-in is that they may be passive-aggressive. I definitely do not see myself as passive-aggressive. I just sometimes feel like certain conflicts are not worth the fight. But if something is really important to me or I feel strongly toward it I will address the issue by using assertive communication behaviors. I would like work on my anger communication style and deal with conflict as an anger controller more often. 

Defensive and Supportive Behaviors

I would like to discuss the concepts of defensive and supportive behaviors. I think it is important to note both concepts and be able to differentiate between the two. These concepts have specific differences. Defensive behaviors incorporate superiority, control, and the use of strategies. On the other hand, supportive behavior uses equity, empathy, and is nonjudgmental. Defensive behavior can create an unbalanced power relationship. A person engaging in defensive behavior may try to control the other person they are in a relationship. They do this by being strategic in the way they speak to the other person or within their actions. This person may act this way due to their own insecurities. The playing field is more level in a relationship with someone who engages in supportive behaviors. This person has empathy for other people. A person who is empathetic means they are able to place themselves in another person’s place. Being in a relationship with someone who is supportive and will respect you is healthier than being in a relationship with someone who engages in defensive behaviors.

Distrust

When I was younger my mother and I shared an extremely close bond. She and I spent a lot of time together. I always felt comfortable with sharing my thoughts and feelings with her. She was like one of my best friends and I had all the trust in the world for her. As I was entering into high school she and my father split up. My siblings and I were in disbelief, none of us had seen that coming. Even after we moved out of our family's home I remained hopeful that they would reconcile. But all those hopes and prayers ended when my mom became more involved in her new life. She and I became distant which made me incredibly sad. Since, I have harbored resentment toward my mother. I had completely lost all trust in her. How could her high priority for her children decline? Still to this day I haven't been able to regain my trust in her, which has caused our relationship to remain stagnant. She makes efforts to reconnect with me, but I haven't been able to forgive and trust her again. 

Unbalanced Power

Being in a relationship that has unbalanced power is unhealthy. A relationship that has an unequal amount of power between people occurs when one person dominates while the other person/people are submissive. I would guess that most people given the choice would rather be the person in power and not the one being controlled. But I think being the one with all of the power can, at times, be just as stressful as being the submissive one. The book gives an example of a group with one dominate member that tried to call all of the shots. The other group members eventually stopped showing up to meetings because they didn't want to be subjected to her negative behavior and comments. As a result the dominate member had to do the work herself. Eventually she realized she couldn't complete everything on her own so she had to tone down her communication style. I don't like the feeling of being in relationships with power unbalances. Whether I am the one holding the power or the submissive one. I find personal, work, and school relationships to be more enjoyable if all parties involved are on a level playing field. Having all the power can feel good especially if the position was hard earned, like within a company. But I think that showing you can be a part of the group helps morale. In contrast, being powerless can feel pretty lonely and demeaning. It may cause resentment toward the power holder.